Believe it or not, it can be fun, especially when you go out to dinner afterwards. Just a few sessions can enhance a relationship that is already doing well. I don’t recommend waiting to seek couples counseling until a crisis occurs. Fortunately improved communication is something that many couples can learn in a few hours. Communication is a skill that can be learned, just like knitting or skiing-it just takes instruction and practice. If you are not a “good communicator” then now may be a time to start learning. Keep Talking: As humans, the key method we have to repair hurts is communication. It is okay to “go away” for a while, as long as you commit to authentically coming back later. Sometimes you may need to shut the door, put on the earphones, or go for a walk by yourself in the neighborhood. You need some friends and activities that are yours and that are not always experienced with your partner. As Oscar Wilde said: “Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation."īoundaries = Closeness: Everyone needs time alone.
A “check-in” is a part of my daily practice. It is your job to know about some (but not all) of the seemingly insignificant details of your partner’s office gossip, health issues, and favorite pop culture references.
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Hide the portable electronic devices and spend a few minutes just hearing what you partner did that day. This is some version of “How was your day, honey?” Try to practice this without multi-tasking. At any stage of life-even into your eighties and nineties-you need to keep growing in order to reach greater contentment.ĭaily Rituals: Aim for a daily check-in. The truth is there is no effective long term escape from self-development.
Coupledom does not provide an escape from self-development. This is one aspect of relationship development that requires a spirit of fun: sexual negativity and complaining kills sex drive.ĭeveloping You: Many couples fall into the trap of expecting their partner to fill the hole in their lives. Fantasy makes what is familiar new and exciting again. This can mean ramping up your curiosity about role-play, exploring breathing practices like tantra, or sharing your fantasies. To add spice to a sex life that has become routine you’ll need creativity. Sex can grow and develop just like other parts of your life together. Sex Matters: Couples that convince themselves that sex is no longer important after years of togetherness sometimes get into trouble. You don’t necessarily have to wag your tail when your partner comes home, but initiating some kind of friendly greeting can be an important ingredient in supporting your relationship. It’s a key reason we become so attached to them. With their entire bodies they demonstrate they are grateful that you are a part of their lives.
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They know how to greet their people when coming home. “The Greet”: Dogs are the acclaimed experts of this practice. Based on a combination of academic research and the real world experiences of my clients in long term gay relationships, the following are six practices that can enhance and maintain relationships over a lifetime: